Kigo Eternal
by The Humbug
Summary: This is Kigo and another epic tale within my ‘Who’s Writing This Crap?’ Kigoverse as well as being a Crossover which I’ll elaborate on in Chapter II. Those of you who fear Crossovers will still enjoy the story so please don’t let that scare you or keep yo


Kigo Eternal

Author: The Humbug

Disclaimer: "Kim Possible" and all related characters within © The Walt Disney Company and its related entities. Kim Possible created by Mark McCorkle & Bob Schooley. All rights reserved in all cases. No profit is being collected from the fiction contained within. You can blame the rest of this on me.

Rating: PG-13 for intimations of a physical relationship and blatant, intimate contact between consenting adult females, also for scenes of combat violence. This should also cover a little harsh language now and then. If this will offend you, please read something else and then seek professional help.

Summary: This is Kigo and another epic tale within my 'Who's Writing This Crap?' Kigoverse as well as being a Crossover (which I'll elaborate on in Chapter II). Those of you who fear Crossovers will still enjoy the story so please don't let that scare you or keep you from reading it. This story takes place several months after the events in Deep Down and over one year since TSBF.

Chapter One / The Empty

The alarm beside the bed sounded its chime right a 6:30 AM just like it always did, slightly muted so as not to wake the Sleeper who preferred to remain in bed for another hour. The slender arm that reached out and turned off the infernal device belonged to the Runner who insisted on punishing herself each and every day. Today's run would be different, however. Today, Kim Possible would not be taking her daughter's with her.

Today was the day of the last scheduled semi-annual college equivalency examinations that Kim would have to take for the next several weeks; it also marked the midpoint of her class work assignments for the same duration. Having opted for the fast track and having taken Global Justice up on their repeated offers to assist with her continuing education, she had been pushing herself strenuously for months and once this full week of exams was completed she would be half way to achieving a four year degree in barely a fraction of that time. Beyond this, Kim had outlined a curriculum of graduate-level studies that would give her the training and education she would need for a career with the self-same security and defense organization.

If that's what she really wanted, of course. Lately there had been moments of doubt. The worst of these moments were when she received a visit from The Empty but she didn't want to think about that right now.

Not quite awakened by the alarm, the Sleeper was roused enough to strengthen her hold around the lithe form of the Runner. Pale lips, bereft of their usual black gloss, started to kiss the air between them and lustrous, black hair, so unlike the short, red bob of the Runner, flowed everywhere. Kim smirked even as she struggled to pull free.

"… baby, let go…"

There was no reply except for more 'kissy face'.

"… shego, I have to get moving…"

"… no…"

Knowing that her spouse was nestled in dreamland, Kim saw little chance in talking her way out of this. Still, she had to try.

"… baby, please…"

"… no… mine…"

The lips finally homed in on Kim's rosy cheek and the younger woman's face was smothered by sleepy kisses. Normally, this activity would have been welcomed, even encouraged, but this was not the right morning for it. Kim hated to be cruel but she had no choice other than to bring forth drastic measures.

"… dnamy…"

"… blech…"

The Sleeper quickly released her, shuddering as she did so, and rolled back over to the far side of the bed. Just like pouring water on a campfire, Kim mused. Works every time. The thought of campfires reminded Kim of the idea she'd had for their family vacation that year but that was another thing that would have to wait until later. She hadn't discussed it with her wife yet and there was a chance that Shego might not like Kim's idea. Promising to broach the idea as soon as she got back home, Kim slipped out of the bed and dressed for her run without the benefit of a shower.

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With a change of clothes and a few other toiletries in her old mission satchel, she ran all the way from the residential section of Middleton where her home was to the local 'GJ' contingent in the heart of downtown. Masquerading as a hardware store, and making quite a side profit in that capacity, a simple identity check in the stockroom gained her admittance to the subterranean levels and a hidden elevator carried Kim down to the training and education division; a quick stop in the recreation center allowed her to take that shower she had postponed, also to brush her teeth. Making as little eye contact as possible with the agents and operatives within the center, Kim made eventually located the site of her first examination and filed into the room along with several other agents in training.

Once the class was called to order Kim let herself relax. The simple act of taking a written test gave her the impetus of letting her mind drift back to calmer days of attending high school with her best friends Ron and Monique. True, she was already an adventuress and her life was fraught with danger but it was a simpler sort of danger. Looking around at her fellow participants she could almost imaging that she was back in school.

Even here in the middle of a collegiate-level test her mind could well afford to wander; the answers to the questions before her sprang from her pen like water, clear and pure. Events from the recent years had taught this young woman the value of patience and discipline and she was a far better student now than she had ever been in her teens. Even today, still in her early twenties, she was a mother and a spouse and homemaker, not to mention her burning desire to remain a hero and world-saver. She knew that any plans to continue her career n that vein would rely on her work right here in this classroom and others like it.

The time limit for the examination was soon elapsed and Kim had to grin at another old memory; she could almost hear Mr. Barkin bellowing 'Ok, listen UP, people!' as he collected the tests of his students. In the world of the here and now, Kim relinquished her papers to the 'GJ' trainer and waited to be dismissed with the others. She took a moment to notice that now all were youthful agents-in-training; there were several seasoned operatives here for what was likely re-certification. Many were strangers but a few faces were familiar but most stole glances in her direction to get a look at the famous Kim Possible.

Or maybe that should be 'infamous'. Kim wasted no time getting out of the room when class was dismissed because she sensed The Empty somewhere behind her. There was some time to kill before her next examination so she walked towards the commissary to grab breakfast.

Reinforcing her earlier feelings of nostalgia because of how much the room reminded her of lunches at school, Kim took an apple and some milk from the racks of food and found a solitary table in a quiet corner of the cafeteria. Far from anti-social, she had no desire to force her company upon anyone else this morning and she made certain not to return the looks of curiosity that were occasionally aimed in her direction. She was afraid of seeing distrust or worse mixed in with the friendly smiles. Kim had just finished her apple when two shadows fell across her table.

"Kimberly."

"Hey, kid! What's shaking?"

Kim looked up and smiled at the two men standing before her. They correctly interpreted her expression as an invitation to join her and they were already seated before she had the chance to speak.

"Hi, guys!" She would always feel better when these two were around; Special Agents Hedges and Benson made themselves comfortable while the young woman slid her notes aside to give them room. Benson caught a glance at the writing and raised his eyebrows.

"Wow. Tough stuff, here." He tilted his head and made eye contact. "More of that college equivalency?"

"Yeah."

"So you've decided to stick around for the long haul?" Hedges' bearing was more rigid but he leant back to soften the intensity through distance. He was always the more militant operative when compared to Benson's 'beat cop' persona but both men cared deeply for their young friend and they sensed a stress in her that couldn't be so easily explained away as mere test anxiety; they had noticed her walking down the corridors and that was why they had chosen to join her now.

"Maybe." The lack of conviction sounded like glass breaking in Kim's own ears. "I mean, I've always wanted to join Global Justice."

"But now…?"

"… second thoughts?"

"Sort of." There, she'd said it. " Ever since I was a kid and had my first adventure I've wanted to keep 'saving the world'." She shrugged. "Now that I'm older I realize that I didn't have the first clue as to how I would incorporate that desire into real life. I'm… married and have children and don't even have my degree yet. What good would I be to…"

The Empty was looking for her table. She had to either leave now or change the topic of conversation.

"But… here I am and this is the first day of the rest of my life, right?"

The men sitting across from her shared a quick glance.

"Right."

"True, dat."

"Kimberly." Hedges sat a little straighter, if that were possible. "I'm sure that I am not the first person to tell you this, but you are under no obligation to join 'GJ'. You would be welcomed as either a full Agent or an Independent Operative but what you do with your life is your decision."

"Heck, yeah. You've done more for 'GJ' as an 'Indie' than we've ever done in our whole careers." Benson waggled his thumb from himself to his partner and Hedges just rolled his eyes. "All joking aside, yu'd be a feather in anyone's cap no matter where life takes you. We were off in Timbuktu when we heard about that deal where you pulled Spooky's chestnuts out of the fire after those armory raids." He nodded appreciatively. "Killed a monster single-handedly, so I heard."

"Um… I don't think that I actually killed it…" Kim felt warm inside. "Just please don't ever let Shego hear you call her 'Spooky' because I won't be responsible for her actions!" They all grinned at this. Kim happened to peek down at her watch and almost tripped over her own feet trying to stand up.

"Crap! I'm late for my next exam!" She clutched at her notes and rammed them back into her satchel. "I'm really sorry guys but I need to go."

The men nodded sympathetically.

"We understand. If it's the one I'm thinking of it's being conducted just down the hall from here." Hedges helped Kim keep her balance while she choked down her milk. Benson took her satchel from her.

"We'll walk with you so they don't dock you for being tardy!"

"… thanks, guys…"

The two burly men followed a self-conscious Kim Possible through the ranks of tables and out through the doors; all eyes were turned to watch this unusual parade. Oddly enough, The Empty was nowhere to be found.

The classroom was, in fact, right down the hall from the commissary. There were a few attendees already seated but there didn't seem to be an instructor present to administer the examination. Kim turned to her escorts and brushed her errant hair out of her face.

"Thanks, guys, I really appreciate the talk." Hedges gave her a small salute and continued walking down the hall. Benson grinned and remained.

"That's Ok, kid. Now… if all participants will kindly clear their desks except for a pen we will commence with the examination." These last words were spoken to the student body at large and they promptly obeyed. Kim's eyes widened in surprise.

"Wha..?"

"Ms. Possible, being both late and difficult with your instructor is no way to make a good impression." He gave her a veiled wink and she had to pretend to stifle a cough so as not to giggle while she moved to an unoccupied desk.

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By the time Kim completed her last exam, she felt as if she would need directions on how to return home; she felt as if her entire brain had been drained out through her pen in the form of the answers she'd provided to a myriad of questions that morning. There was simply nothing left bussing around inside her head. It was just after Noon and she wanted nothing more right then than to get back home before her daughters were put down for their naps. There were two quick stops that she wanted to make before she left the complex, however… one was to see if she could snag a sandwich from the commissary because she didn't need Shego complaining that she'd been neglecting herself.

The other was to see Dr. Mayers. Kim had been in the care of the elderly psychologist a little over a year ago and she was very close to him. Once her trip to the commissary yielded a ham and Swiss cheese on rye Kim left the familiar confines of the training area for the less familiar medical wing. Locating the healer's office was easy enough but the redhead felt a sting of disappointment to learn that the doctor was out; his private office was locked and a placard beside the anteroom door announced that Dr. Mayers was away for a symposium.

She had wanted to discuss The Empty with him. It was far older than her relationship with the good doctor but it was while she was in his care that formal introductions were made.

"Hey, there, baby girl!"

Kim turned towards the joyful greeting and saw Dr. Karen Hall enter the corridor. Mrs. Dr. H was another physician, along with her husband Dr. Mark Hall, with whom Kim and her family had become so closely involved. Kim closed the distance and she embraced the hansom black woman warmly.

"Hello, Mrs. Dr. H!" Kim felt so happy to see this woman. "Would you know when Dr. Mayers would be back?"

"Not for several days, sweetheart. Is there anything that I can do for you?"

"Well…"

"You wanted to talk, right? If it's urgent, I'm always available to you. I'd also be happy to contact him if that would make you feel more comfortable." Karen Hall smiled. "Or I can be a friend if not a doctor."

Kim had absolutely nothing to hide from this woman.

"I really need a friend right now who also happens to be a doctor. Can I please have just a few minutes of your time?"

Together they entered one of the several offices along the medical wing. The conversation only lasted a few minutes but during that time Kim divulged a secret that she had NEVER shared with ANYONE in her life. When Kim finally returned to the main section of 'GJ' she felt better than she had when she'd arrived that morning. Her steps felt lighter and she made more eye contact with the operatives and agents that she passed in the halls, even returning simple pleasantries and responding to inquiries about her children. This caused her to feel the pull of her family all the more strongly and Kim opted to take the bus rather than run home.

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It was a very short stroll from the corner bus stop to the lane where she shared her 'tender prison' with the three loves of her life. Bypassing the rarely used front door for the more comfortable side gate to the backyard, Kim listened for the usual sounds of play and laughter. If the girls had finished their lunch, which was customary by this time, they should have been turned loose in the backyard to wreak havoc and get primed for their nap. Kim heard nothing. Surely they weren't asleep already?

The answer presented itself, at least in part, once she had walked along the cobbled path beside the house to the broad back porch and she saw Shego sitting there.

"Please tell me that you didn't just roll out of bed?"

Kim was incredulous; her spouse looked as rough and unkempt as she had been when Kim left her sleeping several hours ago. A shapeless bathrobe had been pulled over baggy shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt. Her long, black hair was a total nightmare, draping over her body and totally obscuring her face except for the tip of a pale, green nose.

"How late did you let the girls sleep?"

There was no reply.

"Have they eaten their lunch yet? Geez, even their breakfast?"

Still nothing; Shego just sat there on the edge of the back steps, collapsed forward with her elbows on her knees with her chin in her hands. The mountain of frizzy black hair made for a surreal picture.

"Great. Just great." Kim arched her neck and massaged her temples. "You look just like that ghost from the movie 'The Grudge'. Do you know that? Yeah, this is real nice." She signed, feeling a little too hurt to pout. "I really needed to be out of the house this morning, Shego. I needed your help."

Kim couldn't see the sly grin spread across her wife's face beneath the mass of hair but she did see a long-fingered hand pull a tin whistle from a pocket of the robe and raise it to the hidden mouth; black glossed lips were briefly visible as Shego blew into the whistle.

WHEEEEET!

Hurt transformed into amazement as Kim watched her twin daughters, both almost two and a half years old, run out through the back door wearing scaled down versions of Kim's old Middleton High School cheerleader's outfit. Sheki was holding a tiny set of pompoms and Kasy had a small baton clenched firmly in her little fists.

"Mommy!" Sheki was very precise and careful in her motions and her cheering.

"GO MADUGS!" Kasy ran around in a circle like a chicken with its head cut off.

Kim laughed long and loud and sat right down on the ground while tears of happiness ran down her face and the little girls yelled and giggled and scampered about, each doing their best impressions of real cheerleaders. They ran over to their mommy and Shego pulled the hair from her face as she watched the twins dance joyfully around her wife, her angel, her Princess. Shego liked to tweak Kimmie now and then by playing the role of 'slacker parent' and what frustrated Kim the most was that nothing could be further from the truth; for a barely reformed and wholly retired super villain, Shego was an excellent mother.

The antics continued until Kasy started to cry. In her enthusiasm, the little redhead had accidentally bonked her sister on the head with the baton; Kim had seen the event clearly and no one was actually hurt and Sheki hadn't even reacted other that to straighten the pink ribbon in her hair. Still, Kasy dropped the baton in anguish and grasped her sister's head in her little arms as if it were about to roll off Sheki's shoulders.

"Ok, somebody's definitely ready for her nap."

The women gently pried Kasy away and everyone gave the nonexistent boo-boo a smooch before Shego led the girls inside the house. Kim followed and not a word was spoken as she grabbed two sodas from the 'fridge and watched Shego take the girls upstairs to their room to be changed and tucked in. This gave the petite redhead a few minutes alone so she retired once more to the backyard.

The sun was still high in the sky and the painted fence was tall and solid, perfect for keeping the children in and for keeping strangers and attention seekers out. Where the grass had not been tilled and cultivated for trees and a few vegetables, flower boxes and pots dominated the periphery and everything was in full bloom.

The Empty didn't get back here too often.

Shego was back before long and she joined her mate where Kim sat on the edge of the wooden deck; still silent, some sense told her that Kim had something on her mind. She wordlessly accepted one of the sodas from the petite woman but was curious to see the redhead scoot back and slide over, wrapping slender but strong arms around her waist. A pair of tones legs quickly followed and settled atop Shego's own. The older woman let the younger one embrace her from behind.

"This is new."

"Do you like it?"

"Mmm… yes. I like it. Especially after this morning."

"Why? What happened this morning?"

"I had another one of those freaky dreams where DNAmy is trying to kiss me."

Kim grinned and lifted her mouth to kiss a patch of exposed skin between Shego's shoulder blades.

"I love you." She nuzzled the spot. "Sorry for giving you such a hard time when I got home. About the girls, I mean. I really do know you better than that."

"S'ok. I set you up." Pale lips opened and Shego raised one of the arms from around her waist and gingerly nipped at the tender skin of the wrist. "And I love you, too."

They remained like that for a few minutes.

"So… how did the exams go?"

"I answered every question on every piece of paper that was placed before me and now my brains are missing in action. You don't mind being married to a moron, do you?"

"Never bothered me before." Shego started to lick between the fingers of Kim's right hand. Kim smirked from behind her wife and slowly lowered her left hand until…

"GHAA! Geez, Kimmie, I swear that if you ever do that again you'd better pray that the Miller kid didn't get that telescope he wanted for his birthday! We'll be run out of town on an indecency charge after I take you RIGHT HERE in the backyard!"

"Shush. You'll wake the girls." Kim did remove her left hand and Shego adjusted her shorts before speaking.

"I suspect that Miss Goody Two Shoes is trying to distract me. How do you think you did on your tests this morning?"

"I believe that I passed them all."

"Ok." Something was not copasetic. "That's great."

"Yeah."

"And there was much rejoicing."

"Yay…"

Now it was certain; something was definitely not copasetic.

"What's wrong?"

Kim knew that to answer 'nothing' would set all the bells ringing and red flags waving, so that was not a viable response. Still, she had to handle this sitch carefully.

"I visited Mrs. Dr. H after the exams."

"M'hm."

"She and Mr. Dr. H are fine."

"Hm."

"She says 'hi'."

"Kim, you've got five seconds to elaborate before I become difficult." The old Shego would never have been as eloquent, nor would she have given her five seconds.

"It's nothing." Shit, Kim realized, double ungood. "And I mean that it's nothing. Really. I just wanted to talk with Dr. Mayers but he's out for a while and Karen was there so we… talked."

"You two talked about something that you couldn't talk about with me?" The larger woman had tensed and there was the heat of anger growing in her tone.

"I'd like us to talk about it now."

Shego huffed with frustration but she did relax within her lover's embrace; there was no sense getting angry if Kimmie was talking with her now. Getting the hero to open up about her feelings was like pulling teeth sometimes but if now was the time she'd clam up and listen.

"Ok, Pumpkin." She stroked one of the toned thighs. "Tell me what's on your mind."

"Well, this would normally be the part where I ask you not to get angry with me."

"Princess…"

"But I won't! So here goes… what I'm about to say will sound very conceited. I hope that you don't think that I'm really like that."

"I know that you aren't."

"Thank you. Please humor me, then, while we take a short quiz."

"A what?"

"A quiz. Don't worry, it's just True-False."

"O-kay…" Shego hoped that this was going somewhere. Kim took a deep breath.

"Kim Possible is deeply and truly loved and cherished and respected by her wife, her children, her family and her friends. True or false?"

"True." Shego was in no mood for flippant remarks; besides, the answer was and always would be 'true'. Kim didn't react to the meaning of the answer itself. Instead she continued with an air of clinical detachment.

"Next question… most, if not all, of the people that Kim Possible has helps over the years are deeply grateful and would do almost anything for her if she were to ask. True or false?"

"Survey says true." Hadn't this been proven countless times when folks had given Team Possible quick and ready transportation for missions? And that gratitude wasn't just limited to individuals; there were whole nations that owed their safety to Kim. The Sheik of Stanstanistan still sends the twins a tiny golden camel on their birthday because of how Kim saved his people, years ago.

"You're really doing well at this."

"Pumpkin, my soda is getting warm and I really haven't done anything with myself since I woke up this morning. Sheki had a little diarrhea so I got splattered with yuck and I forgot to brush my teeth and I still can't brush them yet because then my soda would taste like spearmint. So pretty please, with sugar on top, can we get on with this quiz of yours?"

"Sure. Sorry. There's only one question left."

"Thank you." Shego sipped her drink.

"Ok… occasionally, all of that love and respect and appreciation that is directed at Kim Possible gets sucked into a giant hole in the center of her chest where her heart used to be, all ragged from where it was ripped out, and disappears and doesn't mean two hoots in Hell because nothing that anyone says will ever make her feel different and that the best thing that she can do is to dig a hole and pull the dirt in on top of her..."

It was halfway through this diatribe that the actual words hit Shego like a hammer.

"… true or false?"

The tall woman slowly turned her body around so that she was facing her spouse, slipping free from the embrace and staring directly into those emerald eyes. Kim didn't move and stared right back. Shego searched her mate's visage for… something. What was it? Fear? Pain?

Insanity?

Her own fear was that the events from a year ago were about to play themselves out all over again, that her Kimmie was still sick somehow and that the most terrible event of their lives was not dead and gone after all. Her next thought was that something entirely different had happened, a new danger or threat that had affected her Princess.

No matter how hard she looked, the face before her was calm and serene and patient, just like her angel should always be. So where had these terrible words come from?

"No."

"I'm sorry, the correct answer is…"

"NO!"

"… true."

"NO, NO, NO!"

"Baby, calm down."

"Damn it to Hell, Kim!" Suddenly Shego didn't want to be touching her, didn't want the younger woman near her. She wanted to fight. That was how the mighty Shego dealt with trouble; beat it, smack it down, leave it writhing in the dust behind her. Instead the pale green woman grabbed Kim by the upper arms and forced her back roughly. The redhead was compliant and did not resist, letting herself roll back until she was lying on her back on the wooden deck.

"What are you telling me!?"

"Baby, sweetheart… please calm down. It's me." Kim kept her tone even. "It's me talking."

"Then what the fu…"

"Shego, I spoke with Mrs. Dr. H and she suspects that what I'm feeling are a few of the classic symptoms of depression. She scheduled an appointment for the two of us to meet with Dr. Mayers when he returns so we can be sure." This was the second time in her life that she had ever discussed this with anyone, and twice in the same day. Kim had never even told any of this to Ron. "A lot of people feel this way from time to time. I'm just ready to do something about it now."

"Dear Lord, Kim…" Shego felt as if she had been punched in the gut. "How long have you felt this way?"

"For a long, long time. Way back before my very first adventure, I think."

"Judas Priest! You were a kid! How can you feel like THAT when you're just a kid??"

"I'm not sure how to answer that but these feelings have been there for a long time. It was just last year that I was able to organize my thoughts and feelings enough to talk about is sensibly."

"Talk to who? Dr. Mayers? Dr. Hall? You could talk to them but not to me?!"

The old anger was back and Kim loved Shego all the more for it.

"My attempts to discuss this with Shego are going very well. True or false?"

The angry and frustrated and frightened woman pushed herself even further away before settling back down. Kim remained where she lay. This was harder for Shego to hear than it was for Kim to say and Kim knew this.

"You are my soul mate, my love and my life. I'll never keep secrets from you. When I spoke to Karen I was fully prepared for her to tell me that I was being foolish and silly and to get over whatever it was that I was feeling. Our talk lasted less than fifteen minutes. I only wanted guidance, that's all."

"…"

"What, baby? I didn't…"

"Is this because of something I did?"

"No, baby, you've always been there for me. I couldn't cherish you more if I tried."

"No, I mean… from before."

"I don't understand."

"Are you feeling this way because of anything that I did or said from before we got together?"

Kim was on her feet and moving closer to the huddled form before the sentence was even finished. She held the larger woman and was ready to fight like they used to if there were any plans of her being pushed away again.

"Never. Do you hear me? Never was that the case." She cupped Shego's chin and forced the older woman to look her in the eyes. "You were the one thing that always kept me going, even before I truly knew why."

Kim released her wife's chin and scooted back a bit to give the woman space. Reaching back, she lifted her soda can to her lips and took a sip. It was warm and flat, perfect to wash away the taste of her words.

"I call it The Empty."

"The what? What's empty?"

"That hole I feel inside me. The one that sucks in all life and light." Kim had been sitting on the deck in lotus fashion and she used her free hand to lift the hem of her shirt to expose her flat belly. Shego looked closely and could only see the definition of well-honed muscles and the faintest of silvery lines where rosy flesh had once been just a little too stretched by the growing lives within. There was no sign of the gapping maw that Kim had been describing.

"I call it that because that's exactly what it feels like." Kim lowered her shirt. "Shego, I don't feel this way all of the time. I don't feel that way now and don't feel that way very often. I can fight it off… mostly." She caught herself wavering and she thrust away the doubt. "It's never because of anything happening around me but when it hits it hits hard. Then it's gone as if it was never there."

The former villain had been silent, sitting with an attentive expression on her face that had slowly softened from angry to thoughtful as her wife spoke. Taking a long breath, she stood. Rising to her feet Shego moved a few steps away and Kim feared that this was the beginning of avoidance and she waited to see what would happen.

She didn't have to wait long. Shego didn't bother to turn around when she spoke.

"Kim… I've already told that it was you that gave me a reason to live."

"Yes." It hadn't been a real question but Kim wanted to answer it anyway. "You have."

"And you know that I used to be… self-destructive."

"Yes, baby."

"Have I ever told you that… that I thought a lot about suicide a few years ago?"

The pain from that statement was very real. Kim hadn't known this but she wondered why it didn't surprise her all that much.

"No, I didn't know that."

Shego nodded, whether to confirm her own proclamation or to accept Kim's response was not clear.

"So." Shego swallowed. "So I have two questions for you. They are very important and I need to hear the answers."

"Anything for you. Ask away." Kim wished that she could see her spouse's face.

"How had you planned to kill yourself?"

Kim was stunned. It wasn't the question itself that struck her so jarringly, because she had fully intended to answer any question that her wife asked of her, truthfully and without hesitation. It was the casualness of it that caught her off guard. Now she realized that the only answer she could give was going to sound even worse.

"Kim, I need to know." Shego sensed the reticence and pounced on it. "We've been together far too long for me to have missed the signs of a failed suicide attempt so I'm sure that you never tried to kill yourself before. What I need to know… here, now… is what you'd planned to do to yourself."

I can't say it, Kim thought. God help me, I can't say it to this woman.

Now Shego decided to turn around and look down at her.

"I was supposed to kill you, right? An accident while fighting… a 'sitch' gone wrong?" The words were soft, almost monotone, and there was no anger in the expression now. Shego had to force out the words because she felt numb all over. "Death by Shego? You went into battle with me hoping that I would kill you, is that what was supposed to happen?"

"There… there was a time when I could like of no better way to die than at your hands." Tears stung the corners of her eyes.

It was some time before Shego could ask her second question.

"And why have you decided to tell me al of this now?"

Because you deserve to know and because I want you standing beside me while I take the necessary steps to work this through."

So… nothing has changed between us? You, me or our family?"

"Never."

"But why NOW?"

"Because I know how much you despise weakness both in yourself and others. You've see me weak… Hell, you've seen me at my absolute worst. I've still had my ups and downs and you deserve to know why." Kim slowly climbed to her feet. "All I'm doing is giving you a peek behind the curtain. I'm no different than I was for the entire time that we've been together. I'm not getting worse… I'm getter better and I want your help to be better, still."

Kim walked towards her mate, not quite close enough to touch.

"I've decided to do something about this. Will you help me?"

"Pumpkin… I'm going to go inside now." Shego backed off a pace. "I'm not running. I'm not, but… you need to give me some time to absorb this." The green-tinted face looked even paler than usual.

"Ok?"

"Ok."

"I mean, I've just had the person that I love most in all the world just lay some pretty harsh stuff on me and I need to let this gel for a bit."

"Really, it is Ok."

"Do you trust me to do that?"

"Always."

The tall woman nodded and without a word she walked into the house to leave Kim alone on the back deck. Kim remained outside long enough to polish off her soda and ambled closer to the door to see if Shego was in the kitchen. Her wife wasn't in sight so Kim entered the house for the first time since she had left early that morning.

Shego was in the laundry room and Kim took this as a good sign; Shego hated doing laundry and she only did the chores that she hated when she had a loyt on her mind and needed space. The louvered doors separating the washer and dryer from the rest of the kitchen were closed but the light leaking through the stiles was clearly visible and the clatter and rustle of cartons and clothes was loud. If she wanted space, Kim would give it to her. Pulling a few items from the cupboard, the petite redhead whipped up a small snack for herself even as she removed some meat from the freezer to set out to thaw for her diner preparations later that afternoon.

With her Mommy-hearing set on HIGH, Kim let her mind wander and allowed herself the luxury of the peace and quiet after the 'harsh stuff' she had piled upon her wife. The sounds from the laundry room told a story and she listened with half of her attention while also listening for noises from the girls' bedroom.

She had taken her first bite of her sandwich when she heard something that wasn't quite right with the plot. She hesitated for a moment before calling out to Shego.

"Baby, I'm sorry but… don't forget the fabric softener."

There was silence from behind the louvered doors. Then a shuffle and a thud as the appropriate substance was located, added to the wash and then the lid closed again. The story continued in the form of a clicking dial as the wash duration was set.

"Um… make that a full fifteen minutes, not ten, please."

She waited for, and heard, the additional clicks. Kim made an educated guess.

"Not 'permanent press'."

More clicks and what might have been a growl. Kim listened as the pipes in the house hummed and sang from the watch coursing through them. She dared to speak again.

"Warm to start, please, not hot. And rinse with cold… please."

"Ok, that is IT!!"

Shego wrenched open the laundry room doors and charged across the kitchen towards her wife. Bathrobe flowing behind her like a cape and a torrent of frizzy hair billowing out like a ragged halo, the tall woman reached out and grabbed Kim around the upper torso with her long hands under each arm and lifted the redhead so that Kim's feet left the floor. The hard face glared and the hero was held up and back against the pantry door.

"Since you are apparently finding it impossible to leave me be, I'll tell you what I'm thinking right here and now." The former thief drew a breath. "I don't think you're weak and I know you're not crazy and I will always stand with you, no matter what." Talk ceased as the same mouth clamped around the lower portion of Kim's face and gave her a powerful kiss; the contact was brief but sincere. "Do you realize that after all the weirdness I've seen and all the crazy things I've done that the only person who can still scare the shit out of me is YOU?"

Kim was gently lowered back down onto her feet.

"Now pretty please with sugar on top, piss off and leave me the HELL alone to do the wash in PEACE and you'd better DAMN well make some DAMN garlic potatoes with dinner tonight because that's the LEAST you can do for giving me a load of freaking weird-ass SHIT to think about!"

Shego stomped away and left Kim to finish catching her own breath from that amazing kiss.

The Empty was nowhere to be found.

Sufferers of clinical depression can tell you that there is depression… and then there is everything else. Being 'down' or 'blue' or 'sad' are normal emotions and Kim had long since learned to differentiate between these and those OTHER times. There are 'happy' days and 'bad' days but se wasn't the perfect girl that some folks wanted her to be and this was how her imperfections manifested themselves.

She could do anything and now she could start getting better.

A chime from the hallway interrupted her reverie and Kim found herself automatically reaching for her Kimmunicator. She shook her head in mild irritation as she quickly realized that one, she hadn't worn her Kimmunicator regularly in months and that it was still safely tucked into a drawer in the den and two, it wasn't her Kimmunicator at all but the Shegophone that her spouse used while acting as a temporary operative with 'GJ' during Kim's time of personal leave. The young woman turned to where the green and black device lay on the kitchen counter near the telephone and raised it to her face, thumbing the toggle to activate it in one smooth motion.

Shego walked back into the kitchen just as Kim had been about to speak. There was a confused expression on the older woman's face and she held Kim's blue Kimmunicator in one hand; she'd heard it beeping and she'd snagged it from the den on her way back to the laundry room.

Kim smirked and reconsidered what she had been about to say.

"I'm sorry… the mighty Shego is doing the laundry right now. Can I take a message?"

Shego glowered and switched on the Kimmunicator.

"I'm sorry… the great Kimberly Ann Possible is taking a massive dump right now. Can I take a message?"

Kim scowled across the kitchen but she lit up with delight when she saw who greeted her from the tiny screen of the Shegophone.

"Why, Probationary Agent Load, how do you do? And to what do we owe this call?" She watched the young black man fail to hide his grin as he did his best to remain professional in his light blue Global Justice uniform. Shego adopted her most polite smirk as she was seeing the same visage in the screen of the Kimmunicator.

"Hey, Wade."

"Good day, Mrs. Possible. And to you Ms. Possible." The uniform and his leaner, trimmer form made him appear older than his late teens. "I have an incoming message from Dr. Director if, that is, you are disposed and available…?" He let the question hang.

"Please and thank you, Wade!" Kim cleared her throat and continued in a gruffer, more officious demeanor. "I mean, carry on, Probationary Agent Load!"

He grinned openly.

"I'll send it through momentarily." His face winked out and Kim quickly swatted her wife on the arm.

"OW! What was that for?"

"Ew! That was gross! Did you have to say that?!"

"Hey, if the shoe fits…"

The argument abated when the image of Dr. Betty Director filled the screen.

"Good day, Kimberly… Shego."

Kim returned the greeting and was highly amused when her wife turned away to hurriedly attempt some much-needed hair management before speaking to her part-time boss.

"Please excuse the intrusion, Kimberly, but I am very pleased to inform you that your examination scores have been tallied and that they are among the highest that we have ever seen." She shrugged. "And certainly THE highest that have ever been achieved by an independent operative."

"Gee…!"

"Oh, brilliant riposte, Pumpkin. Can I quote you on that?"

Betty glanced down as if inspecting some papers on her desk and ignored the good-natured ribbing for a few seconds.

"The official notification will arrive via the post in a few days but I wanted to be the one to notify you personally."

The uniformed woman was beaming out at her and Kim wondered why this struck her as being so odd. The behavior in itself was unusual for the prim and proper Chief Administrator of Global Justice but hardly cause for concern. Dr. Director was always polite to a fault and always pleasant, if a bit to formal. Kim looked closer at the image of the seated woman.

Was something else different about her?

"And Kim…"

Not 'Kimberly' or even 'Mrs. Possible'? Something was definitely different here and even Shego noticed the sitch; Kim saw her spouse shoot her a glance that she knew something was up.

"… if in the past it seemed as if either I or Global Justice did not appreciate your personal situation, or were less than understanding toward your responsibilities and the demands of a young mother such as yourself, then I heartily apologize on behalf of Global Justice and myself. I promise that this will change and that we'll do anything that we can to facilitate your return to the agency while helping to support the needs of your family."

Betty Director stood up from behind her desk. Kim's mouth hung open and Shego was mirroring her expression perfectly. The cut of Dr. Director's uniform was radically different from the last time either Kim or Shego had personally seen the other woman in the flesh; the blouse was not tucked onto the trousers and the black dress belt had been replaced with an elastic waistband.

"I can safely say that I have become personally empathetic to your situation."

The uniformed woman was easily four months pregnant.

"…"

"…"

"If the two of you are hoping to share long careers with Global Justice catching flies, then you are well on your way to success."

"…"

"…"

"You do realize, do you not, that I have your images displayed on a split screen? If you do not stop that ridiculous gaping immediately, I shall have Probationary Agent Load capture your images and post them on the Internet."

"…"

"…"

"Questions?"

"But…"

"…how??"

"Really, ladies, not everyone has the notability of having reproduced their offspring in the manner that you managed to." Dr. Director raised her hand and unconsciously scratched at her belly along the hem of her slacks. "For many, the old way is still the best way..."

Kim and Shego were about to say more when Betty finished her sentence.

"… seriously."

"…"

"…"

"Oh, do stop that!" The woman blushed, another unwarranted reaction from the unflappable Dr. Director. She sighed in resignation and sought to change the subject. "So… do you have plans made yet for your time off, Kimberly?"

"Uh… hm… well, yeah. Sort of." Kim shook her head to manage her thoughts. "But I haven't mentioned them yet to Shego so we haven't discussed anything yet."

"Understood. Very well, I shall leave you two alone, then." Betty lowered herself back down into her chair with a rueful grin and a grunt. "Be well and check in if there is anything you need."

The connection was broken and both devices deactivated.

"DAMN! Way to go, Doc Betty!" Kim had an enormous smile on her face. Shego felt equally happy but was still too stunned to show it. Sure, Betty was a very attractive woman but the former villain was just a little queasy from the idea of who the inferred father was.

"I'm going back to bed. The world made more sense before I woke up."

"Huh, uh. Nothing doing. We need to talk about our vacation plans."

"I don't know what this idea is you have but it's got to be someplace where we can take the girls." Shego looked a little vulnerable. "Kim, you know how much I love your folks but I want our babies with us this time."

"Agreed! Hang on a sec'…"

Kim rushed past her and left the kitchen. She was back in no time flat with a rolled up bundle of papers that she proceeded to spread across the kitchen counter. The largest of these turned out to be a map of the Bahaman Islands. Shego's reaction was less than hopeful.

"Oh, no, Kimmie! The Bahamas? We've been there and you know what it'll be like this time of year! There'll be tourists everywhere and it's not the best place for the girls, and besides…" She cringed in embarrassment. "I think I might have a few outstanding warrants down there."

"That shows what you know. I already thought of that." Kim reached out and grabbed a pencil; she traced a particular spot along the Ragged Island range. "This is where we'd be going."

She had marked an island that the map identified as 'Sans Woo'.

"It means 'No Volcano' in Waponi."

"What?"

"Waponi." Kim shook her head. "Never mind. It's this little island that we can have all to ourselves for the next four weeks!"

"An island?"

"Yep!"

"Kimmie, are you nuts?"

"Nope!" The gleam in Kim's eyes made that declaration doubtful.

"Kim, you're talking about the two of us being on a deserted island… with the girls… for a whole month!"

"Shego, I'm talking about a fully stocked vacation spot with a weather-proof bungalow, power, water, food and anything else we'd need."

"And you wrangled the use of this… how?"

"There was this guy that I rescued a few years back. His name was Joe Banks and he was floating on these steamer trunks lashed together in the South Pacific…"

"Wait, is this the same guy that worked for 'FedUp' delivery service and was stranded on an island for a few years?"

"No, but there are some funny similarities about that. Anyway, Ron and I saved Joe and his new bride and he offered me the use of his private island whenever I wanted!"

"Right…"

"Hey, it was no big. He's super-rich now and bought the island from the local government. So, how does this sound to you?"

Shego frowned and crossed her arms.

"No volcanoes."

"Well…"

"Spank'n!" Kim closed the short distance between them and hugged her spouse. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She released Shego and ran off before the taller woman could get air back into her lungs.

"Kimmie, wait! I didn't actually…" Shego groaned. There was little point. He turned on her heel and followed the love of her life deeper into the house.

"Remember what I said! Garlic potatoes!"

To Be Continued…

Author's Notes That Would Not Die: References to the films 'Joe Versus The Volcano' and 'Castaway' are used without permission and are copyright their respective owers.

Folks, this first chapter is more of a placeholder than anything else. What began about a year ago as a one-shot titled simply 'The Empty' was lost when my computer committed suicide in the fall of 2007. Fortunately, one printed copy survived. This is the re-written version with improved style and editing.

Since I had always intended this to serve as an introduction to 'Kigo Eternal' I've set it up as the first chapter. I'm sorry to say that the rest of the tale will NOT be added soon, hence my statement that this is a placeholder; I simply have too many other projects to complete FIRST as of this time. Nevertheless, I feel that the tale can stand-alone on it's own merit and I sincerely hope that you enjoy it. The origins of the Drs. Hall, Dr. Mayers as well as Agents Benson and Hedges can be read in TSBF.

This begs the question: What was my reason for writing the original story? Well, in a very short time since I first encountered Kigo fan-fiction I've become a major fan. In several of the Kigo tales I've read, however, Kim is portrayed as being weak or a has-been (especially in those tales of her later years). I don't mean to criticize because these stories were well written and I certainly admit to having a view that's being skewed by my own personal opinions of how the character should be portrayed. Nonetheless, either age or motherhood or her complex relationship with Shego has eroded KP's self-esteem. No way is KP a glory hound, far from it; she shies away from adulation, no matter how well deserved it may be. But I believe that Kim is someone that would be voted in the yearbook as most likely to be crushed beneath the weight of her own expectations, as well as not having the inherent tolerance for our own imperfections that keep most of us from eating a bullet.

My version of KP suffers from depression; she feels little love for herself and if she isn't occasionally reminded of how much she is loved by others, she WILL break.

Please don't misunderstand me. I've done my share of hitting her low and hard myself but as I hack away on my keyboard I'm reminded of something I read somewhere about the 'art' of writing a good story… in Act I get your character up a tree, in Act II throw rocks at them, in Act III get them back down. I don't recall the source of this wisdom and I'm paraphrasing.

The Humbug is a firm believer that any ending you can walk away from is a happy one, especially if you managed to learn something in the process. In short, while I promise not to make The Empty too big a deal in my stories, Kim's depression will remain a small facet of her character in my own little Kigoverse. By this time, you've already seen examples of this in a few stories. Be well.


End file.
